In this article, we’ll explore some of the myths that may be affecting your views about falling in love.

We need to be attracted first before we can fall in love. Attraction is important in a relationship but opportunities for two people to fall in love are wasted when people believe attraction is the motivating force and reason to pursue someone. Of course, there are real stories of couples who felt attraction at first sight, but there are also successful relationships out there that did not start with instant attraction.

 When you give someone a chance and get to know them, you might be surprised to find your feelings and desire grow with depth and meaning one step at a time. This attraction is not short and shallow nor is it fleeting and empty because the attraction is not based only on physical attributes, but is built upon kindness, understanding, and acceptance.

Take it slow. Time is on your side. Some say that you really have to take it slow so you get to know each other, learn each other’s quirks, go through challenges and experience different things together. For some, dating for a long time means that they are really sure of each other once they decide to take the relationship to the next level.

 While there is truth to this, we must not delay commitment or marriage too long, because we want to conform to this norm. Years of dating the same person are not necessary, although we should spend enough time that we feel like we really know them. When we feel that we have found the person we want to spend eternity with, prayed about it and received confirmation from the Lord, we must choose and act according to our righteous desires. This can take a different amount of time for each couple, but there is no set timeline in dating and marriage.

Deep love comes naturally when you find the right person. We sometimes hear people saying that they loved one person the moment they set their eyes on them. While this is true in some instances—like parents seeing their newborn for the first time—in most cases, love is not something that we feel instantly. Love results from our choices, actions, and behaviors in our relationships. It is built upon service, investing in another person’s happiness, accepting flaws, and embracing differences. It also must be continuously nurtured.

God has prepared the right person for me already. If there’s one right person for each of us, then our free agency is in jeopardy. Marriage is one of the most important milestones in our mortal journey and we can be sure that God will not interfere when we make the choice of who to marry.

Although we recognize that there is divine intervention in many aspects of our lives, including guidance in finding a person to marry, it is ultimately our choice, our worthiness, and our actions that determine the person who becomes our eternal partner. 

God is surely preparing each of His children who are willing to be guided, to meet a potential future companion with whom they can build a family. However, there is no “one right person,” only right choices that we can make to find a person that God has helped prepare for one of His faithful children.

When you love, you accept and embrace everything. This is partly true, but there is another side to the coin as well. While love is about accepting and embracing someone fully and unconditionally, love is also about recognizing the improvements we need to make to have healthier and longer-lasting relationships. We don’t need to change who we are or lose ourselves in the process, but we need to put the necessary effort into becoming a better version of ourselves not only for us, but for the family we are trying build.

Love and acceptance should not come at the cost of common sense, however. While we all have character flaws, mistakes, and temptations specific to us, we should still be wise in choosing our eternal companion. Are they willing to work to improve with you and build the kind of eternal family you both want? Do you share the same goals in life? Love alone should not make us ignore red flags that might arise in a relationship that could signal serious trouble in the future. That being said, the power of repentance is real, and love goes hand in hand with forgiveness. You can each be a hand for the other to hold, to support, encourage, and help each other on your journey back to Father in Heaven.

Love comes in different types and forms. When we feel it, let’s not restrain ourselves because of myths that we grew up hearing from the media and other people. When it comes, let’s embrace it and let it grow, not only in our hearts but also in our choices and actions.

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Gospel Conversion

Latter-day Saints want to find spouses who have been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Why? Because deep and lasting conversion is required in order to raise a gospel-centered family. Raising a family is filled with challenges that either build or break one’s faith. When tackling these challenges, these young singles want a partner whose faith is firm and steadfast no matter the challenge.

Raising a family also requires teaching your children the principles of the gospel and guiding them towards their own conversion. A father can only fully teach the value of conversion when he has been converted himself.

It is also important to note that gospel conversion doesn’t equate to going on a mission.  Gospel conversion is having a continuous Christlike commitment to always follow the Father no matter where they are, no matter their circumstances. They want a partner whose service and commitment to the church is not driven merely by social expectations but is deeply rooted in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Remember that you are standing on holy ground

Elder Bruce C. Hafen, in one of his talks, counseled, “When any of you—men or women—are given entrance to the heart of a trusting young friend, you stand on holy ground.” The secret to treating a date the way Heavenly Father would want them to be treated is to treat them with utmost respect and reverence.

Just like we prepare spiritually, emotionally, and mentally to enter the holy temple and make covenants with the Lord, we should also approach and build relationships with preparation, commitment, and devotion to each other, because both men and women are temples of the Lord.

Work is a spiritual necessity

Many people work to fill economic needs. But work is more than that. It is a spiritual necessity. The Lord has blessed us with gifts and talents that help us fulfill the commandment, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread”. We are all expected to become self-reliant and to provide for our own needs and those of our family.

The Lord has also declared that “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” At the same time, mothers are commanded to become “primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Work is necessary in fulfilling these divine responsibilities.

The secret to winning someone’s heart is not about having a high-paying corporate job. It is mostly about understanding the value of work and the blessings that it can provide, not only to one’s family, but also to building the kingdom of God here on Earth.

These are just three of the secrets to winning a Latter-day Saint’s heart. There are more but these are the most fundamental, as they are the foundation from which Christ-centered relationships are built. Please feel free to comment and share the relationship “secrets” that most touch your heart below.

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As we contemplate our dating efforts, let us keep in mind small and simple steps Heavenly Father would have us take in order to achieve the ultimate goal of having a family.

Here is a list of things you can do to improve for this year:

1. Pray for guidance. This will help us see the direction God has prepared.
2. Join Institute activities. This is a way to meet people from other stakes.
3. Find simple ways to be together. Sit together during activities, or walk her home.
4. Repent. Our spirituality is reflected in our appearance.
5. Present our goals to God. This shows Heavenly Father that we are sincere with our desires.
6. Don’t use titles. Titles such as “Ate” and “Kuya” can block a dating opportunity.
7. Find ways to be in his or her presence. Sometimes, a little effort is needed.
8. Move on. We can’t find “the one” with only one person.
9. Ask for referrals. Our friends might have someone in mind who is perfect for us.
10. Do meaningful things together. This brings happiness in a relationship and not regret.
11. Remember the true purpose of dating. Inspiration comes with real intent.
12. Become spiritually mature. This is attractive for people who plans to marry in the temple.
13. Don’t use cellphones so often. Using cellphones create a barrier for communication in person.
14. Don’t just chat online. We can never truly know a person by only chatting online.
15. Accept date invitations. First dates are meant to build friendship and not commitments.
16. Stop hoping and start doing. Just like faith, nothing will happen without work.
17. Hold activities with other wards. There are many unfamiliar single adults within the stake.
18. Smile at him or her. Smiling at someone shows that you’re happy to see that person.
19. Brothers, act like a proper Priesthood holder. Be humble and full of virtue.
20. Sisters, become an elect lady. Modesty is attractive.
21. Be of good cheer. People would more likely spend time with you when you’re happy.
22. Be engaged in a good cause. Idleness is unattractive.
23. Learn new skills together. This is a great opportunity to build a relationship.
24. Make new friends. The person we’re looking for might not be in our circle of friends.
25. Set activities outside the church. This will help you get to know people in a different environment.

Dating could be exhausting and emotionally draining but whether we achieve our hopes for this year or not, these things will surely improve our overall capacity to do good.

God loves us and he wants us to find our eternal companion. As we make consistent efforts in fulfilling His commandment, our actions will become consecrated. Our divine purpose here on earth is to build our own family and achieve exaltation. Though these efforts may seem small and insignificant, this is God’s way for accomplishing great things(Alma 37:6).

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