I can recall vividly the pressing question people always asked me when I was four years old. “Who are you going to marry?” they would ask in amusement. “I will marry my Papa” the 4-year-old me would answer. Several years later, whenever my young, single adult peers brought up the question, “Who do you want to marry?” , I would always answer, “Someone like my Papa.”

He Showed Us What To Expect From Young Men

I love flipping through the pages of my father’s mission album, mainly because of the beautiful seascape of Guam and Palau included in the photos. My siblings and I would listen to the wonderful stories that went along with the photographs. At the age of 11 — just a year before I officially transitioned to the Young Women Organization — I boldly declared that I was going to marry a returned missionary so I could hear amazing mission stories.

But I also saw qualities in my father that extended beyond his having had a black name tag — he was kind to us, he loved us, sacrificed a lot for us, listened to us, and fiercely protected us. He loved learning and he would always share some of the amazing stories he had read in the scriptures. He taught us the meaning of service. Through his example, he taught my sister and I what to expect from the young men we interacted with, and from our future husbands.

He Loved and Continues to Love our Mother

“How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today’s increasingly toxic world? The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less.”

These gentle yet powerful words from Sister Elaine S. Dalton touched my heart so much when I first heard them in the October 2011 General Conference. I thought of my father and how he always shows his love and admiration for my mother. He’s loyal to her, kind, he listens to her, he makes her laugh, and he allows her to fly and fulfill her dreams. The seemingly small expressions of love they showed each other — things like waiting for her to come home so they could have a meal together — had a great impact on a single daughter who also looked forward to the day she could meet her future spouse. Through my father’s example, I continued to build my mental list of qualities I wanted my future husband to have.

He Prepared Us

Even when I was young, my father continually reminded me that “light attracts light, virtue attracts virtue.” He would always say, “While waiting for Mr. Right, be Ms. Right. Mr. Right will just come and you’ll be prepared to meet him.” To make sure her daughters were ready for Mr. Right, he prepared us. He engaged us in conversations, he taught us the scriptures, he discussed current events with us, and he allowed us to explore our talents. One day, I saw him watching a video — a recording of a devotional for mission presidents — and he invited me to watch it. “Listen to this, my daughter. You may choose not to serve a mission, but you still need this, for someday you will help and support a future leader, and you will raise missionaries.” His confidence in us helped us build confidence in ourselves, too.

Through Him, My Husband Found Me

Yes, through him, my husband found me. Elder Garcia was then a young missionary in the Philippines, Bacolod Mission when he heard my father speak. He was impressed and he wanted to meet him. Unfortunately, time did not allow it. When he came home from his mission, he went to Facebook and searched for my dad’s name. Instead of finding him, he found me. The rest was history.

How did I know he was the one I should marry? It was because of my father. I saw in my husband the same qualities I saw in my father. He was kind, he was forgiving, he was gentle, he listens to me, makes me laugh, he serves us, and he protects us. Because of my father’s example, it was easy to say yes to my husband’s proposal.

Let’s Create More Father-Daughter Stories

Sister Elaine S. Dalton’s invitation to fathers in her October 2011 talk “Love Her Mother” is still applicable today. In this world full of noise, full of dwindling standards, our daughters need fathers who will show them what courtship, marriage, and true love truly mean. The world may set aside — and even deem worthless — the example of fathers, but remember that righteous fatherhood can greatly impact the outlook of daughters. May the fathers of our generation remain true, virtuous, loving, and kind — daughters need it.

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Some fathers find that following a certain schedule works best, while some want to be spontaneous in their daily activities. There is no secret formula to balancing our time between all our priorities. Instead, we need to understand that right balance doesn’t literally mean distributing equal amounts of time to everything. I believe that the right balance involves giving our 100% undivided attention to whatever task we have decided to do. It is about being physically, mentally, and emotionally present during family dinners, soccer games and in everything we do. It is about serving in the Church and trusting that God will help our wives take care of things at home.  Giving 100% means giving our best effort and putting our best foot forward when we have chosen to do something. It doesn’t matter how much time we spend fulfilling these priorities but how we spend the time it takes doing them.

One concern that some fathers may have is following the commandment to “put God first.” It is very important for us fathers to understand the meaning of this commandment. We might feel that service in the Church should be our top priority because we want to follow this commandment but this is a distorted understanding.

M. Russell Ballard counseled, “As a result of their focusing too much time and energy on their Church service, eternal family relationships can deteriorate. Employment performance can suffer. This is not healthy, spiritually or otherwise. While there may be times when our Church callings require more intense effort and unusual focus, we need to strive to keep things in proper balance. We should never allow our service to replace the attention needed by other important priorities in our lives. Remember King Benjamin’s counsel: “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27).

The church has been established in a way that can help us balance all these responsibilities. One example is “Ministering.” This new direction of the LDS church does not require us to minister everyday. In fact, this activity can be done as a family. The Church is conscious about not taking too much time from our families so we must not neglect our other responsibilities because of our church calling or assignments. If we ever feel that all these responsibilities are too heavy for us, our bishops are always willing to extend help and discuss alternatives to help us.

The book of Ecclesiastes says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” I know that by applying this principle in our daily lives, we will be able to manage and balance our time so we can spend it with the people and the things that matter most.

The post What Does ‘Right Balance’ Mean When You’re A Father? appeared first on morefaith.ph.

I am a young father of three and the most joyous experiences in my life have been associated with my role as a father. Holding my newborn babies for the first time, watching them grow, helping them learn, teaching them how to pray and soothing them to sleep are just a few of my favorite things about being a father. But as most people say, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. There are times when, no matter how hard we try, we feel that we are not doing enough.

I work full time as a Project-In-Charge (PIC) in the field from Monday to Friday and each day is a battle against time. I make sure to squeeze in time to spend with my children in the morning before I head out for work and before we go to sleep at night. I wake them up for our morning prayers and read to them at night. On weekends, we do fun things like going to nature preserves, visiting their grandma, and playing at the park or at home. Then we go to church on Sundays. Although I am doing the best I can to fulfill my responsibilities as a father, I sometimes feel as though I’m far from being the father I need to be for my children. The first time I felt discouraged, I questioned my ability to even raise a family. But as I sought the Lord’s help, I realized that it is okay.

It is okay to feel discouraged and exhausted. It is okay to feel far from perfect. It is okay to feel that we are falling short from what is expected of us. It is okay to feel that we are not measuring up. What’s not okay is feeling that way and not doing anything about it. During these moments when we feel inadequate, we can reach out to the one we look up to as a perfect father, our Heavenly Father. Because He is a perfect father, He knows exactly what we need to fill in the blanks. I cannot fathom how helpless He must have felt, witnessing His Only Begotten suffer, the impulse He must have felt to send angels to rescue His Son, and how devastated He must have been when many of His spirit children followed the adversary during the Grand Council in heaven. Because He has experienced all these as a father, He understands how we feel and what we are going through.

He understands when we doubt ourselves as we try to teach our kids the right lessons, when we have to choose work sometimes over a school play, when we are absent-minded thinking about bills and a mortgage to pay, when we don’t have the answers to all of our kids’ questions, when we worry about showing our children our weaknesses, and the other million things that keep us awake at night. He understands every degree of our feelings and insecurities. And because He understands, He knows how to succor and sustain us if only we ask. Many times He sends angels, even earthly angels, to help us in ways that are not obvious to us. But we can be at peace fulfilling our divine duty as fathers to His spirit children, knowing that He walks side by side with us every step of the way.

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