This was how I felt for a long time after being bombarded with endless unsolicited comments from different people- mostly from my family and friends, regarding how I was doing as a new mom. 

I remember feeling furious at how they seemed insensitive in telling me that I wasn’t doing things right and that I lacked effort. 

I needed help, but when help was given, I took offense to most of it because I felt like their actions and words were all to belittle how I was as a new mom.

How Being Offended Stops Us From Progressing

For a long time, I was trapped in this cycle of wanting to improve, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to take comments and suggestions from other people, other than books and articles I found online. 

Because I was always offended by almost every bit of help that came my way, I realized that I was torturing myself. Instead of being grateful to the people who went out of their way to help me, or give me suggestions on what might work for me and my child, I took them negatively and believed for so long that no one cared and no one understood me and my journey.

My Father in Heaven heard my cries for help and my prayers for comfort, but because I took things negatively, I wasn’t improving. I wasn’t sensitive enough to understand the Lord’s way of answering my prayers.

Over time, I slowly realized that the things I was praying for were already in front of me. People and their comments were not always the problem, most of the time, it was how I took them. 

The moment I started to realize that, was when my progress also started. 

How To Overcome The Feeling Of Being Easily Offended

Have you ever felt offended by someone’s remarks, comments, or questions? 

Some of us may have a hard time not getting offended or hurt after a bit of unsolicited advice or an unwanted comment from someone. It could be about our career, our family, our personal choices in life, our physical appearance, or even the random things that others say about us.

Although we should indeed all be mindful of what we say and how we say things, some of us sometimes tend to take things too personally, which can affect our relationships with others or even our faith in the Lord. 

However, part of building our spiritual strength and maturity is learning how to overcome this feeling of being easily offended, and learning to understand and be more conscious of how we react to “offensive remarks”.

Is that easy? Not at all! Is it possible? Absolutely, with the help of the Lord!

Here are three things I learned on how to overcome being easily offended.

1. Listen with the ears and heart to understand and not to attack or defend.

Most of the time, the comments and opinions we receive, especially when they come from people who love us, are offered with good intentions. Not everyone can say things the way we want to hear them, but let us believe in the good intentions of those who love us.

If we listen with our ears and heart with the intention of understanding, we will be more engaged in the conversation instead of being offended. It allows us to think about what they say and makes us want to ask questions and get clarifications. 

Let us try to see things the way they see them and understand how they have come to their opinion. It could be that there is something that needs addressing on our part, and who else would be honest enough to tell us if not our loved ones who truly care about our well-being?

2. Be honest with how you feel. They will not know unless you tell them.

These offensive remarks will probably continue, unless you let them know how you hear what they say and how you feel about it. 

Sometimes, people do not have bad intentions in what they say but their words can still hurt others. Letting them know in a nice way that their words are inappropriate will also help them become more sensitive to other people’s feelings.

Make sure to choose your timing, which means wait for a time when you are not angry, just to avoid contention. You can also do it right after the “offensive remark” has been said. Usually, if these people have good intentions, they will apologize and clarify what they mean. After they apologize and clarify what they have said, we can overcome our negative thoughts.

3. Remember that what they say about you or others, says more about themselves and less about you.

Some people might intentionally try to make us feel bad about ourselves, but when we deeply understand who we truly are, these words will not cut into our hearts. We will understand that these people may be going through something within themselves, and that’s why they unconsciously or consciously inflict this pain on the people around them.

This can be a chance to show more love and kindness to them. Instead of being furious and offended, we can focus more on how they must be feeling to have to deal with such negativity. We can take this chance to be a light to others and show our good example by forgiving them and being more loving. 

“What if a certain person intentionally or unintentionally offends me multiple times? How often should I even forgive?”

In Matthew 18: 21-22, Peter asked how many times shall he forgive someone who had sinned against him. The Lord answered, “…I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.”

We Are Not Perfect, But The Lord Wants Us To Always Remember Our Divine Nature and Heavenly Potential

As Elder Dieter Uchtdorf said, “The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life, it will always be that way. Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.”

Painful comments, being judged unjustly, and being misunderstood- all of these, and even worse, were experienced by our dear Savior, Jesus Christ when He walked the earth. He knows every bit of the pain you feel, but He has also laid the foundation and way for you to overcome that pain. As He has forgiven all of His oppressors, as well as our shortcomings and sins, we, too, can forgive others. 

This is not an easy challenge at all, but with the Lord’s help, and the daily guidance of the Holy Ghost, may we be reminded that all of us have different weaknesses, and in one way or another, we are debtors that need forgiveness, too. 

You are a child of God, with a divine nature and heavenly potential. 

Comments and opinions will vary from one person to another. We just can’t please everyone no matter how hard we try. What’s important is we know who to please, and that is our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

What They say about you is the only absolute truth and nothing else. And as we strive to be Christlike, let’s remember that The Savior simply never took offense. 

Here’s a related article on forgiveness.

The post How to Overcome Feeling Offended appeared first on morefaith.ph.

“See the brighter side of things. Be positive.”

“It will be alright. Just stay positive.”

These are words of encouragement that we have all heard many times. But while there’s truth to these statements, we must recognize that positivity means so much more than simply “being positive”.

Here are three truths that can increase our understanding of true positivity.

Being positive does not mean denying or ignoring unpleasant emotions. This is one of the most common misconceptions about positivity. Some think that being positive means only having pleasant emotions. Because of this confusion, we sometimes feel compelled to ignore feelings of discouragement, sadness, sorrow, and disappointment. We try to convince ourselves that we can’t let these feelings rob us of our positivity. But it simply doesn’t work this way. Life was not designed for us to only feel pleasant emotions. In fact, unpleasant emotions and positivity can co-exist.

We can be disappointed with someone and yet feel so much love for them at the same time. We can feel sad when we fail a test and still hopeful that we can do better next time if we put in more effort. We can feel discouraged and humbled at the same time as we realize what we could have done better. We can feel anxious and have so much trust in ourselves at the same time. So let’s not beat ourselves up when we have these unpleasant emotions because all these are part of our existence. They are essential for our learning and growth. They make success more fulfilling, reunions more joyful, and forgiveness much sweeter. Only when we acknowledge that these unpleasant emotions are part of our lives can we feel truly positive.

Being positive doesn’t mean we don’t see the things that can be improved or are not working. One aspect of being positive is seeing the brighter side of things but it shouldn’t stop there. Being positive also means not ignoring things that are not working, need to be corrected, or can be improved.

If we almost get run over by a vehicle while jaywalking, we can’t simply say, “Thanks goodness, I’m still alive” and walk away. If we are in a relationship where harsh words are thrown at us all the time, we can’t simply say, “I know deep down that s/he is a good person,” and ignore the verbal abuse. If we attend church but are scrolling on our phone the whole time, we can’t simply say “I went to church, that’s good enough”. If we try to build healthy habits but do not succeed, we can’t simply say, “At least I tried. That should count for something”.

Being positive means acknowledging that jaywalking is against the rules and committing to using pedestrian lanes in the future. Being positive means recognizing that we do not deserve maltreatment of any kind and we should have discussions to prevent it from happening in the future or it might also mean moving on from that relationship. Being positive means evaluating our church attendance, reflecting on what we have learned, and committing to give the effort and attention necessary to learn more next time. Being positive means desiring and working towards improvement and progress for ourselves. It means being grateful for who we are, where we are, and what we have, while also looking forward and working towards reaching our full potential.

Being positive is a state of mind, so our positivity can change from day to day. There are many factors that can affect positivity—both internal and external. Others may wonder how a very positive person could react in such a negative way to something or how a friend could commit suicide who had been so positive all their lives. The truth is, positivity is like any other emotion—it can fluctuate, depreciate, stay steady, or even fade away. It’s not like, “either you have it, or you don’t.” So the next time we see someone struggling and think they can get through it without help because they are a positive person, think again. Positivity comes and goes. Sometimes we hold on to it and it stays, other times it fades away even if we try to hold onto it. There are times when the people around us radiate positivity, and it makes it easier to feel that way, but most of the time, we choose to build it from within.

Positivity not only helps us survive in this world, it also helps us thrive if we understand what it is and what it is not. When we understand that it is about acknowledging even our unpleasant emotions, we can better understand ourselves and others, grow and improve ourselves, and perhaps even help others along the way.

The post 3 Truths About Positivity That We Might Be Getting Wrong appeared first on morefaith.ph.

We should be positive in all things. We have been counseled to choose a positive attitude and find joy no matter our circumstances because that is the way we can obtain peace in our hearts. With all the challenges that each of us encounters in life, looking at the brighter side of things is indeed helpful. Focusing on the positive side of our circumstances brightens our hope for better days and strengthens our resolve to make our situation better.

However, positivity doesn’t mean not feeling sad, distressed, or disappointed. Focusing on the positive side of things doesn’t mean only having pleasant feelings. There are many circumstances in our lives such as losing a loved one or a job, failing an exam, leaving home, saying goodbye to a friend, missing an interview, and many others that might trigger these feelings. Having these unpleasant feelings is a fact of life. Even Jesus Christ wept and felt deep sadness when Lazarus died. We should not push aside these emotions and most importantly, we should not think that these feelings are putting our happiness in jeopardy.

Positivity is a state of mind. And positivity amidst these feelings can take one form or another—sadness that leads to empathy, disappointment that leads to earnest prayer, grief that leads to repentance, and heartbreak that leads us closer to Christ.

We should pay attention to the good. Of course focusing on the good is great. It helps us see the little, often unnoticed, gifts of life. It also helps us to have a grateful and happy heart. But paying attention to the bad also may not be a bad idea. Taking a step back and evaluating the ‘not so good’ parts of our lives can lead us to greater heights of happiness. Looking at our often-drained finances can lead us to reconsider paying a full-tithe. Assessing a failed romantic relationship can lead us to evaluate how we spend time with the ones we love. Asking what went wrong after being disqualified in a try-out can lead us to practice and work harder to better our craft.

Paying attention to the bad side of things can also be good if it helps us find ways to do better. Doing this can be a prelude to brighter opportunities and greater heights of happiness.

As we continue our quest for happiness, may we always remember that happiness is not all about the warm, fuzzy, and pleasant feelings of the heart. Sometimes, happiness can be found amidst and through troubled and unpleasant times in our lives. How is that possible? It is made possible through Christ who has borne all our sorrows and sufferings. He succors all those who seek Him for comfort and showers happiness on those who seek His name and do His will. He enlightens the minds of those who seek further understanding. So the next time we read a principle of happiness that confuses us, let’s seek further light from the Author of Happiness Himself, even Jesus Christ, the Savior.

The post 2 Principles of Happiness We Might Have Gotten Wrong appeared first on morefaith.ph.

If only I could bottle that sense of wonder, meekness and unending enthusiasm for the little but significant things, I’d carry it in my pocket all the time and take a drink every time I took something much too seriously. Although it’s not possible to bottle it up literally, the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to understand its truth and embrace the call to keep a childlike heart, especially in the dark times of our lives.

BATTLING THE DARKNESS

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the complexities of mortal life—school, work, relationships, status, wealth and otherworldly endeavors that our childlike lenses become blurred and hazy. Darkness is an unavoidable part of life today, more than ever before. The Apostle Paul taught us in Timothy that “in the last days perilous times shall come.” We are living in these “last days” and the signs of “perilous times” are more and more evident.

President Henry B. Eyring taught, “The peril comes from the forces of wickedness. Those forces are increasing. And so it will become harder, not easier, to keep the covenants we must make to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.” Wickedness is the darkness that fogs over our spiritual lenses and leads us into the trappings of temptations and sin. We can battle through the darkness with a simple formula: the bright light of the gospel plus a childlike heart.

BRIGHT LIGHT OF THE GOSPEL

The only source of brightness we can find amidst these dark times is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We must understand that in order to get this light, one must build “upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God,…. your foundation; which is a sure foundation … whereon if men build they cannot fall.” (Helaman 5:12)

Building foundations upon our Savior Jesus Christ means that we have to put effort into overcoming the roots of darkness in our lives. This can come from our own nature, as described by King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon, “For the natural man is an enemy to God.” However, he also taught us beautifully how we can overcome our own nature and find the strength that we must have to return to our heavenly home safely.

KEEPING A CHILDLIKE HEART

“For the natural man is an enemy to God,… and will be, forever and ever, unless he…. becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)

We may think of keeping a childlike heart as a sign of weakness. Most of us want to embody strength; particularly today, and the world presents this as the “ideal” way to face great peril. In contrast, the gospel teaches that becoming childlike shows willingness to change; to keep the bright light of the gospel in our lives. Sister Jean A. Stevens has said, “If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth.”

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