It’s a Time for Growth

It’s safe to say that sometimes, when a righteous plea to the Lord for a much-awaited eternal companion isn’t automatically granted, it is natural to feel within ourselves, “But I just can’t wait to get married and have an eternal family of my own.” The desire to be married is a righteous one, and one that should be a priority. But, if the proposals and the dates don’t come when you want, you should not get too consumed by your lack of a romantic relationship to the point of losing joy in your other blessings.

In President Uchtdorf’s talk “Your Potential, Your Privilege,” he told a story about a  man who missed out on his dream cruise’s food and fun activities simply because he didn’t understand the privileges that were available to him.. Praying for your dream wedding to your dream companion shouldn’t mean you miss out on some of life’s most wonderful offerings. Your singlehood is a perfect time for growth and improvement. With guidance from the Lord, you’ll find opportunities that will hone your talents, and harness your skills. As a son or daughter of God, the Lord has prepared wonderful things for you – not just being married! – and being single is a time to discover these opportunities freely.

It’s a Great Time to Better Prepare for Marriage

During your single years, you can avoid discouragement and disappointments by learning to wait actively. Active waiting is “staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed.” Actively waiting with patience doesn’t mean settling and losing hope – it’s about learning to prepare better for the blessings that are to come. The single years are a great time to learn how to become a better parent, and a better eternal companion. Your singlehood gives you chances to better prepare yourself for marriage and other future opportunities – don’t miss them, and don’t forget to take them.

You Can Start to Be Happy Now

In September 2011, Sister Kirsten Oaks, shared powerful stories from her 53 years of singleness. She also shared a powerful lesson:

“On one occasion, full of worry and frustration about my single situation and my advancing years, I went to a priesthood leader for a blessing to strengthen me. The words spoken in that blessing stay with me to this day and ring truer to me as time passes. I can still quote them: “If you cannot bear the difficulties and challenges of single life, you will never be able to bear the difficulties and challenges of married life.” I sat a bit stunned. Those words were a call to action for me to make my life wonderful regardless of any situation or difficulty I faced. If I made a happy single life for myself, it would determine the happiness I would have as a married woman, and I wanted a happy future. I realized I had the capacity not only to bear difficult things but to look for the best in every situation. My attitude became much more positive. Life is a challenge, but it will always be a challenge—single or married—and I wanted to be equal to that challenge. I testify from hard-earned experience that the Lord is always preparing us for greater happiness and blessings.”

Your single years offer chances for you to learn to be happy now. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said “Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning.” In your single years, look for sources of lasting happiness – serving others, extending a hand to those in need, volunteering, learning a new craft and sharing it with others – for it can help you disperse the negative feelings that can inevitably come from singlehood.

You Have More Opportunities to Serve

Yes, it’s true – the best antidote to negative feelings is service. President Ezra Taft Benson reminded the single adults, “Rather than turning inward, forget self and really serve others in your Church callings, in personal deeds of compassionate service, in unknown, unheralded personal acts of kindness. If you really want to receive joy and happiness, then serve others with all your heart. Lift their burden, and your own burden will be lighter.” It is so easy to look at your single status with a sad heart and to be consumed by impatience and worry. However, your singlehood can mean so much more as you embark in service – you have more freedom to reach out to others, and be there when they need you most. Think of this time as a time to help more, reach out more, and love more.

It Can Draw You Closer to the Lord

Learning to be patient is a lifelong process – it’s especially hard to be patient when you’re talking about matters of the heart. In this time of questions and deep longing, always turn to the Lord for comfort. He knows you, He loves you, and because you are His child, He has great things in store for you, both in this life and the life to come. Draw near to Him, become a better disciple, and always sustain the goal of celestial marriage. When you are tempted to question His timetable, remember to be grateful – for “He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.”

Your single years are a time to develop love, appreciation, and gratitude towards the Lord. Immense yourself daily in the scriptures and develop a testimony that the Lord has your eternal perspective in mind.

Your single years can help you prepare for eternal marriage. In these times when the promised eternal companion’s arrival is taking longer than you expected, take comfort that in the Lord’s time, your righteous goals will be granted, whether in this life, or in the life to come. Don’t spend your days fretting because you are single. Set goals and achieve them, serve and find happiness, and learn to become a true disciple of the Lord.

The post Facing the New Year Single? Here’ are 5 Ways to Help You View the Single Years Positively appeared first on morefaith.ph.

I can still remember how fervently I believed that line during my single years. Since everyone who has returned from a mission– or those worthy to enter the temple –are always encouraged to find a righteous person and get married, I thought finding the one you want to be with for time and all eternity would be easy. Unfortunately, that brother or that sister does not always come at the perfect time, and young single adults are often placed in the hot seat.

After I got married, I noticed that some of my worthy men and women friends still didn’t find dating easy. Sometimes, out of jest, I would ask them the usual dating-related questions that are commonly asked by members of the Church. However, I eventually learned that some of these seemingly harmless questions are actually awkward and sometimes painful to those who are trying their best to find an eternal companion. Here are some of the questions we need to stop asking our young single adults…and what we should ask instead.

“Why are you not going out on dates?”

“Judge not that ye be not judged” is such a common phrase in the Church, so let us not always assume that certain brothers and sisters don’t go on dates. We may not know it, but they may already be giving a lot of effort to the dating game.

What to ask instead: “Are there any dates that you are looking forward to?” This is a much better question to ask not only because we let them know that we believe in them, but we also remind them that dating is something to look forward to.

“When are you getting married na kasi?”

Oh, if only one could easily answer this question, life would be so much easier. Unfortunately, this is one of the most disheartening questions we can ask our young adults. The dating game can already be harsh to those who are not yet married, so let us choose to be kind by not adding more pressure.

What to ask instead: “How are your dates so far? Are you considering taking it to the next level?” By letting them explain their dating status instead of questioning their marriage plans, they can help us understand why they are not married yet. Who knows, by listening to their stories, you might be able to come up with ways to help them.

“Are your standards that high?”

When I was still single, I was often asked by well-meaning people why I wasn’t dating. “Are your standards that high? Choosy mo siguro.” Yes, there was a time when I wondered whether I should lower my standards or just say yes to any returned missionary who proposed marriage to me just so I could marry in the temple. But I eventually realized that for me to find a wonderful eternal companion, I must have great qualities as well. If we want our young adults to believe in the promise that “light attracts light, virtue attracts virtue,” then we must sustain them and remind them that keeping themselves worthy in all aspects is non-negotiable. Let us not make them feel that keeping their standards high is a disadvantage.

What to ask instead: “What are the things you are looking for in an eternal companion?” When we let them explain their ideal eternal companion, we can understand why they may be having a hard time finding dates. By asking this question, we might also be able to offer them some some helpful referrals!

“Hey, when’s the big day?!”

Lastly, if someone finally goes on a date and posts a photo on social media, let us not ruin their moment by making comments like “Lodi, petmalu,” “Siya na ba?” “Kailan ang long table?” or the most dreaded “So, kailan ba talaga ang kasal?” These comments, though encouraging, are not going to help a couple who’s just starting to get to know each other, they are just going to put the pair in an awkward situation.

What to say instead: “I hope you like his sense of humor like we do!” Cheer your friend on by giving subtle compliments on the photo. By promoting your friend, and not doing it in an awkward way, you can let the relationship develop naturally.

There are a lot of ways to support our YSA friends who are still in the dating game. You can show your love and support instead of giving judgment just by asking the right questions. And giving referrals is not a bad idea, either!

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The Plan of Salvation is in full effect to single adults

We hear about attaining the highest degree of celestial glory all the time. This topic might cause single adults to cringe and fear for their future. But they need not fear because the blessings of the Plan of Salvation are in full effect even to single adults. Julie Beck once said, “We did not fight a war in heaven to be single eternally. We did not sign up for only part of the program. We signed up for the whole plan—to make covenants, to be sealed eternally and have posterity in the eternities.”

Exaltation is not withdrawn from you

From the beginning, Heavenly Father hoped for all of His children to be exalted. That hope still stands to this day and no mortal circumstances will change it. Exaltation is available to all His children when they seek it. Heavenly Father will not take away the opportunity for single adults to be exalted just because they are single in this life. Ezra Taft Benson, addressing the single adults of the church, said, “if those of you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father—and I emphasize all blessings.”

Being single is not wrong

Some might think that people who are not married have a problem or the whole situation of not having a spouse is just not right, especially in a family-centered church. Comments like, “You’re still single? What in the world are you doing?” or “You don’t have anyone yet. What’s the problem?” seem to convey that single adults are not in the right relationship status and they need a fix. But in most situations, there isn’t anything to fix because these single people are not broken in the first place. There is nothing wrong in being single and single adults need not feel like lesser members of the church because of the “you should get married” trend that is so deeply imbedded in the church culture.

Heavenly Father sees us individually

Heavenly Father loves us regardless of marital status. He sees our works as individuals. He recognizes that the efforts of single adults living the gospel of Jesus Christ are just as precious as the efforts of married people in the church.

Each of us, whether married or single, has a spark to share in our quest to share the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ with the world. Each of us is a strand in the grand tapestry of the Plan of Salvation. We are all important servants in the Lord’s vineyard.

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