“I need help overcoming the perfectionism trap as a member of the Church. I know we need to follow certain standards for our own good. But why does it sometimes feel like I need to follow an exhausting checklist?”
If your heart echoed the heavy weight behind that question, please let us be the first to tell you: your feelings are seen, they are deeply understood, and they are completely valid.
As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we live by a beautiful set of standards. But to the outside world, those standards often look a bit different. If you ask someone what they know about Latter-day Saints, one of the most common responses is, “Yeah, they have a lot of rules and restrictions, right?”
We love these principles, and we try our absolute best to live up to them. Yet, because we are human, it is inevitable that we will fall short. The danger arises when those moments of falling short twist into painful, quiet whispers in our hearts: “I don’t think I can do this. I am simply not enough in the eyes of the Lord.”
But if there is one eternal truth we must hold onto, it is that our loving Father in Heaven is all-knowing and infinitely patient. If He were to sit next to you right now, look into your tired eyes, and speak to you face-to-face, He would likely smile, pull you close, and gently say, “My child, please don’t be so hard on yourself.”
And yet, when you are drowning in a sea of expectations, not being hard on yourself can feel utterly impossible.
So, how do we break free from this perfectionism trap? How do we shift our perspective so we can stop viewing our faith as a heavy burden, and finally find true, lasting joy in obedience?
“I Feel Exhausted Because I Can’t Do Everything God Expects Me to Do”
It’s a specific kind of weariness, isn’t it? The manual in Sunday School talks beautifully about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the “easy yoke” He promised.
But by Tuesday afternoon, as you look at the unread scriptures on your nightstand, your missed seminary or institute assignments, the ministering visits you haven’t scheduled, and replay your own mistakes in your head, the gospel can start to feel less like a refuge and more like an endless, exhausting checklist of perfectionism.
You find yourself asking: How do I actually experience the rest Christ promised when I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough, reading enough, or simply being enough?
To Overcome The Perfectionism Trap, Remember: You Are Not Failing
First, let’s normalize the exhaustion. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you lack faith. It means you are human, living in a chaotic world, and trying to carry a load that was never meant to be borne alone.
Sometimes, the Latter-day Saint culture inadvertently creates an environment where we feel we must be flawless right now. We conflate eternal progression with immediate perfection. We look at the lives of those around us—often carefully curated—and assume we are the only ones drowning in the gap between who we are and who we want to be.
The Savior Himself looked at people who felt exactly like you do. In the New Testament, the religious culture of His day had turned the law into a crushing system of rules and strict measuring sticks. To those vulnerable, exhausted souls, Jesus didn’t offer a longer to-do list. He offered Himself:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me… and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30)
Notice He didn’t say, “Come unto me after you’ve checked off every box.” He invited the heavy laden. The weariness you feel right now is actually the qualification for His rest, not a barrier to it.
The Restored Gospel vs. The Perfectionism Trap
The beauty of the restored gospel is that it explicitly rejects the idea that we save ourselves through sheer effort.
Yet, the adversary loves to twist our high ideals into weapons of discouragement. If he can’t get you to abandon your faith, he will try to burn you out on it.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland addressed this exact heartbreak in a powerful General Conference address, comforting those who feel crushed by the commandment to “be ye therefore perfect.” He reminded us:
“Except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey in which we are engaged… If perfection is a pinnacle we cannot reach now, what is the value of keeping the commandments? … It is that we have the chance to practice, the chance to try again and again, and the chance to grow… Perfection is pending. It can come in its full flower only after the Resurrection and only through the Lord.”
When we treat the gospel as a checklist, we are practicing a form of self-reliance that leaves Christ out of the equation. Reading your scriptures, praying, and serving are not currency we use to buy God’s love or earn our way into heaven. They are spiritual habits designed to open our hearts to His grace.
Why Following the Covenant Path Matters (Even When You’re Tired)
When you are deeply exhausted, the temptation is to pull away entirely—to drop the covenants, stop trying, and step away from the structure of the Church to find relief. It is a completely understandable human reaction to pressure.
But this is where we have to look closely at what actually brings true safety. The structure of the restored gospel—the covenants we make, the ordinances of the priesthood, the small daily habits of faith—is not a cage designed to trap you in performance. It is a fortress designed to protect you from the storms of life.
Think of it like a safety harness. If you are climbing a steep, grueling mountain, the harness adds weight. It requires effort to buckle and maintain. When you are exhausted, you might think, “This harness is so heavy, I just want to take it off.” But the harness isn’t what’s making you tired; the mountain is. And if you take the harness off, you lose the very thing that keeps you from falling when your footing slips.
In a recent General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson spoke directly to this balance, explaining how our covenants actually lighten our loads rather than adding to them:
“The Savior’s yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Why? Because when we yoke ourselves to Him, we receive His strength… Living the gospel doesn’t make life easier, but it does make life better. Walking the covenant path with the Savior gives us access to His power—power that heals us, strengthens us, and delivers us.”
Following the commandments and keeping our covenants matter deeply because they keep us yoked to the Source of all strength. The answer to spiritual exhaustion isn’t to walk away from Christ’s Church; it is to change how we walk with Him within it.
Overcoming The Perfectionism Trap: Focus From “Doing” to “Being”
How do we practically make this shift? How do we experience that safety and rest today?
Offer Your “Two Mites”
Remember the widow in the New Testament who gave two small coins? It was all she had, and Jesus declared it was more than all the rich men’s offerings combined. God does not measure your offering by its volume; He measures it by your heart. If all you have energy for today is a two-minute prayer from your bed, offer it with love. It is enough.
Repentance is a Refresh, Not a Punishment
We often view repentance as a grueling judicial process we undergo when we’ve failed. In reality, the restored gospel teaches that repentance is simply turning our hearts back to God. It is a daily, gentle course correction that sheds the weight of our mistakes so we can walk lighter.
Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
The next time you open your scriptures or sit in a sacrament meeting, don’t ask yourself, “Am I doing this perfectly?” Ask, “How can I connect with Jesus here?” Let the ordinances of the Church be a place where you lay your burdens down at His feet, rather than a place where you pick up more weight.
You Are Enough Because He Is Enough
The restored gospel of Jesus Christ is a message of radical hope. It tells us that we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows our names, understands our limitations, and has provided a Savior to carry what we cannot.
The Church is a hospital for sinners, a workshop for souls, and a refuge for the weary. You do not have to be a finished product to find safety here. You don’t have to perform. You just have to come.
As you take your next few steps on the covenant path, let go of the imaginary checklist. Hold tightly to the Savior’s hand instead. In His grace, you will find that you are already loved, you are already valued, and through Him, you are entirely enough.
