You anxiously wait for your prayers to be answered. You thought God would help you through it. But it didn’t happen. You start to feel disappointed. Then, you thought He never listened. You feel He wasn’t there when you needed Him. Then, you begin to doubt if God existed.

Stop right there! Don’t go further away from what you know is true.

God Answers in His Own Time and in His Own Way

God does answer prayers. But you must know that He answers in His own time and in His own way. Sometimes, answers come instantly. Most of the time, you must wait. And yes, it can be painful to know that there will be times that God’s answer is a big fat NO!

It can be very frustrating when you are already expecting that God will grant you all things you desired. You see, it’s not really that God did not answer your prayer. Sometimes He knows better than what we deserved, because He knows us better.

Sometimes, it can be a blessing that your relationship with someone didn’t work out because you were meant to find someone better. You soon will realize that there had been some red flags or unhealthy patterns in the relationship that you had been unwilling to see.

Sometimes, it can be a blessing that you didn’t get your dream job. Multiple interviewers rejected your application even if you have put your best foot forward. And you wonder why you did not qualify even if you have the right credentials or experience. Perhaps taking that dream job could mean a huge chunk of family time to sacrifice. Or perhaps God didn’t want you to experience the kind of environment and culture you will be dealing with in the workplace.

Soon you will thank Him for removing certain people or opportunities from your life because you never knew how toxic they would have been. When you accept the reality and start moving on with your life, you look back to understand that His ways are better than yours.

Elder Richard G. Scott (1928–2015) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “[Our Father in Heaven’s] invitation ‘Ask, and ye shall receive’ (3 Nephi 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you.”

No matter what happens, never cease to pray. Remember, He is always listening. He always wants what is best for us even if it doesn’t seem like it.

The post It’s A Blessing God Didn’t Give You What You Prayed For appeared first on morefaith.ph.

That’s because sometimes waiting is just hard.

And it becomes even harder when we’re waiting for something that really matters to us—a dream job, a family of our own, healing from sickness and pain, direction when we are lost, peace amidst chaos, or relief from the many trials of life. Sometimes we think we have done everything we could to be worthy of such blessings and yet, frustratingly, heaven seems distant.

But God doesn’t make us wait for no reason. He makes us wait because it is in the waiting that growth happens. It is in the waiting that we learn the value of hard work, consistency, discipline, commitment, and resilience. It is in the waiting that we discover our strengths and talents and use them for our mortal and spiritual progression. It is in the waiting when we slow down that we can see God’s hand in the small details of our lives. It is in the waiting that we learn to hope, love, forgive, and appreciate life and our many blessings. And it is in the waiting that we learn to let go of our timetable and trust His timing.

He makes us wait to help us refine our character and increase our faith in Him. Sometimes He makes us wait to redirect us to new paths of opportunities and happiness. He makes us wait to show us that His promises are certain. He wants us to learn that a delay is not a denial of blessings we earnestly seek.

In the scriptures, we learn many stories of people who needed to wait for blessings. One of which is the story of Zacharias and Elisabeth, the parents of John the Baptist. They were a faithful couple who earnestly prayed for children for so many years, and yet their prayers were not answered in the way that they had hoped. Despite this, they remained faithful and hopeful.

They were eventually blessed with a son, John The Baptist, who prepared the way for Jesus Christ and baptized not only the Savior but many who were ready to receive His gospel. How marvelous it must have been when Elisabeth realized that she conceived at a later age so her son could fulfill a divinely appointed calling—to act as a forerunner to Jesus Christ and His ministry.

With the timing of Elisabeth’s pregnancy to Mary’s, I can’t help but think that God also wanted Elisabeth to be at Mary’s side as she prepared for her divine calling to become the mother of the Messiah. In this story, the timing and the circumstances make perfect sense, like pieces of a puzzle all coming together as the story unfolds.

There are more Bible stories of people who waited many years for blessings but the main message of these stories is the same—that delays are not denials, that prayers are heard and answered, sometimes not as we had hoped but in ways that God sees fit for us, and that God is an all-powerful God who can make miracles happen. Staying faithful to His commandments will not only sustain us during our waiting seasons but can also draw us even closer to Him.

Waiting can be hard, especially when you do not know when things will get better. But you can find comfort that the Lord understands perfectly your pain and struggles. He hears your anguished cry for help and relief. To that His answer is, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27). As you actively work towards your worthwhile goals and remain faithful to the Lord, He will strengthen you so you can wait upon His blessings with hope and fortitude. And when you receive the blessing that you have prayed hard for, you will recognize His abounding love and that it was Him who made it all possible.

Here’s another article on waiting upon the Lord’s blessings.

The post Why God Makes Us Wait For Blessings appeared first on morefaith.ph.

“See the brighter side of things. Be positive.”

“It will be alright. Just stay positive.”

These are words of encouragement that we have all heard many times. But while there’s truth to these statements, we must recognize that positivity means so much more than simply “being positive”.

Here are three truths that can increase our understanding of true positivity.

Being positive does not mean denying or ignoring unpleasant emotions. This is one of the most common misconceptions about positivity. Some think that being positive means only having pleasant emotions. Because of this confusion, we sometimes feel compelled to ignore feelings of discouragement, sadness, sorrow, and disappointment. We try to convince ourselves that we can’t let these feelings rob us of our positivity. But it simply doesn’t work this way. Life was not designed for us to only feel pleasant emotions. In fact, unpleasant emotions and positivity can co-exist.

We can be disappointed with someone and yet feel so much love for them at the same time. We can feel sad when we fail a test and still hopeful that we can do better next time if we put in more effort. We can feel discouraged and humbled at the same time as we realize what we could have done better. We can feel anxious and have so much trust in ourselves at the same time. So let’s not beat ourselves up when we have these unpleasant emotions because all these are part of our existence. They are essential for our learning and growth. They make success more fulfilling, reunions more joyful, and forgiveness much sweeter. Only when we acknowledge that these unpleasant emotions are part of our lives can we feel truly positive.

Being positive doesn’t mean we don’t see the things that can be improved or are not working. One aspect of being positive is seeing the brighter side of things but it shouldn’t stop there. Being positive also means not ignoring things that are not working, need to be corrected, or can be improved.

If we almost get run over by a vehicle while jaywalking, we can’t simply say, “Thanks goodness, I’m still alive” and walk away. If we are in a relationship where harsh words are thrown at us all the time, we can’t simply say, “I know deep down that s/he is a good person,” and ignore the verbal abuse. If we attend church but are scrolling on our phone the whole time, we can’t simply say “I went to church, that’s good enough”. If we try to build healthy habits but do not succeed, we can’t simply say, “At least I tried. That should count for something”.

Being positive means acknowledging that jaywalking is against the rules and committing to using pedestrian lanes in the future. Being positive means recognizing that we do not deserve maltreatment of any kind and we should have discussions to prevent it from happening in the future or it might also mean moving on from that relationship. Being positive means evaluating our church attendance, reflecting on what we have learned, and committing to give the effort and attention necessary to learn more next time. Being positive means desiring and working towards improvement and progress for ourselves. It means being grateful for who we are, where we are, and what we have, while also looking forward and working towards reaching our full potential.

Being positive is a state of mind, so our positivity can change from day to day. There are many factors that can affect positivity—both internal and external. Others may wonder how a very positive person could react in such a negative way to something or how a friend could commit suicide who had been so positive all their lives. The truth is, positivity is like any other emotion—it can fluctuate, depreciate, stay steady, or even fade away. It’s not like, “either you have it, or you don’t.” So the next time we see someone struggling and think they can get through it without help because they are a positive person, think again. Positivity comes and goes. Sometimes we hold on to it and it stays, other times it fades away even if we try to hold onto it. There are times when the people around us radiate positivity, and it makes it easier to feel that way, but most of the time, we choose to build it from within.

Positivity not only helps us survive in this world, it also helps us thrive if we understand what it is and what it is not. When we understand that it is about acknowledging even our unpleasant emotions, we can better understand ourselves and others, grow and improve ourselves, and perhaps even help others along the way.

The post 3 Truths About Positivity That We Might Be Getting Wrong appeared first on morefaith.ph.

Become highly favored of the Lord. The prophet Nephi went through many afflictions, but he was able to thrive because he “[was] highly favored of the Lord in all [his] days.” Some might think that having the most powerful being favor us must be very hard to achieve. Afterall, it is the prophet Nephi we are trying to emulate here. Nephi’s story provides us with guidance on how we can gain the favor of the Lord.

One of the most quotable passage in the Book of Mormon is Nephi’s obedient response to his father’s request that he return to Jerusalem to obtain important records. He said, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded…”. On many occasions, Nephi was commanded to do something that seemed impossible to accomplish, but in all these occasions, the Lord provided a way for Nephi to accomplish the things that the Lord had commanded him.

But it was not a ‘walk in the park’ for Nephi. The Lord did not simply provide a way for him. Nephi had to exercise his faith first and then do what the Lord had asked of him. When Nephi and his brothers went back to Jerusalem to get the plates of brass, their first 2 attempts failed. His brothers wanted to give up, but Nephi, believing that God would provide a way for them to get the plates, went into the house of Laban and was successful in getting the plates for his family.

We learn from Nephi’s story that the Lord favors those who have faith in Him and seek to do His will, even during troublesome times when trials weigh our souls down. He favors those who seek the mysteries of God and desire to know His will. He favors those who roll up their sleeves and go about doing the Lord’s work. The Lord has promised, “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him”. He further added, “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in His love”.

Respond with Grace. In one of the wars recorded in the Book of Mormon, Moroni, an army commander, wrote to the Nephite governor, Pahoran, condemning him for not sending supplies and reinforcements to his armies who were in dire need. Moroni wrote this not knowing that Pahoran himself was in trouble and had been cast out by a rebellious faction of his own people.

Given Pahoran’s circumstances, he could have responded with anger but instead, he responded with consideration and grace, explaining his circumstances and reassuring Moroni that they were still fighting for the same cause.

During difficult times, we need to respond graciously and with forgiveness more than ever. Pahoran’s response to Moroni prevented two righteous men from becoming enemies and strengthened their relationship even more. We, too, can choose to respond with grace like Pahoran and seek to understand when we are misunderstood, to speak with compassion when we are spoken harshly of, to have patience when others are losing theirs, and to continue to love even when there is little left to love.

Difficult times can either bring us together or tear us apart. When the choice is placed before us, may we always choose the former.

Endure to the End. In the Book of Mormon, we read about the magnitude of difficulties that Lehi faced on their journey to the Promised Land—starvation, fatigue, his oldest sons’ rebellion, and accusations of being a visionary man who was leading his family to perish in the wilderness, among many others.  Lehi described his heartache and pain, describing his journey as the “days of [his] greatest sorrow”. Amidst the difficulties he faced, he could have easily turned away from God. Instead, he continued to trust in the Lord with such resolute faith and endured the challenges he faced to the end of his days.

We learn from Lehi’s experience that we can’t just sit and chill and wait for a happy ending. His life teaches us that endurance doesn’t simply mean to “hang in there” until the end of our lives. It means seeing our trials as God’s way to temper us in fire and try us in the waters of adversity to help us become as refined as fine steel.  It means growing our faith and striving to keep God’s commandments. It means “patient continuance in well doing”. It means desiring to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and acting upon that desire. It means trusting and relying upon His love and grace to sustain us through difficult times.

And when we have reached the end of our days, we may be able to echo what Lehi wrote shortly before his death, “The Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.”

Difficult times are inevitable. It is necessary for our refinement, but we have also been given guidance through the scriptures on how to face these challenges and thrive in the midst of them. The Book of Mormon is one of the many scriptures that God has prepared to guide us. May we turn to it to seek the Lord’s counsel not only during difficult times in our lives but every day as we seek to know His will.

The post What Can The Book Of Mormon Teach Us About Thriving In Difficult Times? appeared first on morefaith.ph.

Strength as a Family

I grew up watching my parents grieve. I heard their “could-have-beens” – how if they had been better parents or if they could have done things better, then they would not have lost their little boy. It pained me seeing them go through that, but those times became opportunities for me to comfort them. My siblings and I try our hardest to reassure them that they are good parents. We try to make every moment as a family a happy one. We used to talk about our loss as bleak and sad but as the years rolled along, we have learned to remember the joy we felt at having been given the chance to be the family of that very special child. We have recommitted ourselves time and time again to be good people and to work as a family so we can be worthy to be with him someday.

A Better Knowledge of the Afterlife

Losing my little brother made me ponder more often about death and what happens after. I have even read a lot of literature about the afterlife. However, the most comforting and reliable information does not come from scholastic studies. I have come to understand more about death from the sacred scriptures. Learning from the Word of God gave me comfort and staying power. I have learned that truly, death is not the end of life. It is but a door all of us needs to go through so we can go on to the next chapter of a much grander, continuing of life. My brother is not lost or forgotten. He is just in another state and is waiting for me and my whole family. We can all be together someday through the goodness and mercy of God. Knowing these truths fortified my resolve to go on with life purposefully. All the good that we do here on Earth will not be wasted then, because life goes on. It will go on even after all the pain and sorrow of mortality.

The Will to Improve Daily

With the knowledge that I can be with my brother again, I am inspired to do all I can to make his life with us worth remembering. There is something inside of me that tells me that I need to be worthy to be with him someday. He died innocent and pure. Because of that, I know I need to live a life that will merit being allowed to be where he is now. I do not have a manual that gives specific steps on how to do this, but in the every day decisions that I make, I know I make the steps that either bring me closer to him or take me farther away. I am grateful for commandments that serve as a guide to base our life choices on. Every time I am faced with situations where I have to choose between right or wrong, I remember my little brother and that he is waiting for me. Losing my little brother left an imprint in my being that helps me make better choices.

A loving Heavenly Father created the family structure. It is the best way to bring children into this world. This is something very special and very sacred. I know He would not allow death to destroy the sacred connections between family members. He wants us to live as families – secured and bonded – throughout life, and even after death. He made a way. He devised a plan for this to happen. Knowing this Plan has provided great comfort and hope after our loss. We feel our baby brother close to us and God has given us an assurance that we will see him again.

You, too, can know of His beautiful plan… Talk to us or visit lds.org to know more.

The post What I Gained After I Lost My Little Brother appeared first on morefaith.ph.

Acknowledge that growth can be messy

We are all here to learn and grow but if we expect everything to go smoothly, we will be disappointed. Learning in this life requires us to endure a lot of rough roads, flat tires, and traffic jolts, just like we only learn how to ride a bike after several crashes or injuries.

When we acknowledge that growth does not come without challenges or opposition, we become more open to learning, more accepting of failures, more agile in finding areas where we can do better, and more receptive to the Spirit and God’s guiding hand.

Failure does not mean we lack faith

Some of us might think that we fail because our faith is not firm enough. That is what the adversary would have us believe. In the Book of Mormon, we read about the prophet Nephi and his brothers failing twice to get the plates of brass from Laban. Nephi’s faith was incredibly strong, but that did not keep him and his brothers from failing.

We learn from Nephi’s story that failure does not equate to a lack of faith. Sometimes, God lets us fail to help us increase our faith and grow closer to Him.

Move forward but bring the learning with us

We often hear people say that we must forget the past and move forward. While forgetting our past failures and the regrets and guilt that come with it is a good idea, we must not leave everything behind. If we really want to bounce back from failure, let’s not forget to bring what we have learned with us. For our knowledge is only significant in terms of what it has helped us become.

God’s love for us will never diminish

As we navigate the failures of life, we can be assured that no matter how many times we fail, God loves us just as much as He always has. His love for us will never diminish and His hand is always stretched out to help us get up every time we fall. We should recognize that if we want to bounce back from failure, His grace and love will always be sufficient to help us.

We all fail. Sometimes, we fail several times a day. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is losing our purpose or bringing our progress to a halt because of our failures. Our failures should be stepping stones for us to become better versions of ourselves and become the person God wants us to become. Bouncing back our from failures is not easy but the Atonement of Jesus Christ will help us feel whole again if we let Him heal us.

So let’s continue to march on with full purpose of heart and confidence that all these failures are just a prelude to what awaits us in the kingdom of God when we endure faithfully.

The post How Can We Bounce Back from Failure? appeared first on morefaith.ph.

The Philippines considers mental and emotional health problems to be minor, compared to other maladies. Whenever someone talks about being very sad or depressed, there is a cultural tendency to assume that the person is just acting out or seeking attention. The irony is that attention is actually needed. Filipinos are known to be resilient – strong in the face of poverty or tragedy. Maybe this is why being mentally and emotionally challenged is considered taboo. This maybe the reason people afflicted by mental or emotional conditions feel deprived of help.

The Lord is Mindful of All of His Children

The Savior’s love extends to all of His children. If you are experiencing depression or any other disorders, that does not mean He loves you less. Always remember that He gave his life for you. Yes you! That is not a small thing. The Son of God suffered and died for you. And because of His eternal love for you, you can ask Him for help. You can expect help. He can whisper peace to your soul and help make your burdens light, no matter the circumstances. He will be with you every step of the way, supporting you, even in difficult times. He is your older brother, and your light in the darkness.

Your Family and Friends Love You

You may be a family of one or a part of a huge clan, trust that the people around you know and care about you. Even if you feel that you do not matter, there are people who love and worry about you. Never fall for Satan’s lie that no one cares, because someone does. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Even if they cannot understand everything you are going through, expressing your feelings is a giant step towards healing.

Professional Help is Available

There are people who study and specialize in these matters. You can take advantage of the services they offer. Psychiatrists, psychologists, support forums, and other groups provide guidance and refuge. There are places you can go to talk to someone whose chosen mission is to understand and help. Hopeline (https://www.hopeline-nc.org/) is one place you can call and get help. You can even volunteer. The Church has also initiated a movement to help in this area (https://www.lds.org/mentalhealth?lang=eng).

The Lord’s timing is perfect because now that light is being shed on this issue, people are becoming more and more aware and willing to offer mental and emotional support. There are ways to get help. If you are struggling mentally or emotionally, reach out! Help is available. And if you know of someone who might be having trouble in this aspect, reach out! Make yourself available. We are all in this together.

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There are times in life when the tunnels seem long, so long that we doubt if there really is an end. But there have been a few people who have inspired me to hold on and never stop hoping. In their example I have found strength. Their light has served as a beacon for me during my low times.

The Tunnel of Physical Infirmities

In this mortal probation, our physical bodies are subject to pain and disease. From a common cold to debilitating cancer, there are numerous threats to health.

One woman in the prime of her life, a mother of two girls, found out that she had breast cancer. I could not imagine how the news affected the family. A surgery was required to remove the affected parts of her body and she had to go through a series of radiation and chemotherapy treatments. It would have been easy for her to just give up, just let the illness and the depression consume her whole being after enduring such a painful process for so long. But the hope of spending more time with her girls and watching them grow up helped her win the battle one day at a time.

The Tunnel of Betrayal and Infidelity

We do not have control over other people. But choices other people make can make or break us – especially the people that are very close to us.

A woman I know found out one day that her husband was having an affair. She was pregnant with her third child at the time. The dilemma of confronting her husband and the uncertainty of what would happen after almost took the best out of her. Those times were tough for her, a mother raising two daughters while also being heavy with child, all because her husband had chosen to be with another woman. She could have just given up. She would have been justified giving up on her marriage. It would have been easier to just let go and move on with her life. Instead, she chose to forgive. With the hope that forgiveness brings peace, she was able to get through the tough times.

The Tunnel of Poverty

Poverty can break a soul but it does not have to if you do not allow it. Not all people see poverty the same way. There are those that have little but still find themselves provided for. And there are times when people have to fight tooth and nail just to have food for their families.

A widow left to raise six children found herself struggling to put food on the table. Even the most basic of necessities were very hard to find. Add to that the cost of sending them to school. A quick escape could have been a release. Thoughts of leaving the children – hungry and uneducated – almost clouded her mind but she chose otherwise. With the meager salary of a teacher, she was able to send all her children to school. She had hope in her heart that if the children were educated, they would have a brighter future. This fueled her desire to endure, scrimping and saving what little she had to raise a family on her own and producing professionals after years of sacrifice.

We cannot keep ourselves immune from the ailments of mortality, no matter how healthy we live. The people around us can hurt us deeply. We are often put in predicaments that make us feel helpless. But whenever we are sick, betrayed, depressed or pushed into a corner – when it seems like there is no escape, let us look towards the healing power of the Atonement. For with it comes the hope of better days ahead. Let the Savior rescue us from the grasps of anger, pain and sorrow. The atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ makes available to us the greatest source of hope – that someday all these struggles will be over, because the battle against pain – even death – has already been won. So no matter how long the tunnel is, we can always hope, and find light in the near distance. Never let go of hope! Healing, forgiveness, peace and joy are within our reach no matter how long it takes.

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However, the Lord always wants us to know that failures are just part of the journey. President Thomas S. Monson gave a powerful reminder of God’s faith in us when he said “One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.” With the help of the people who love and support us, and the power of prayer as a guide, we canl have the chance to see the blessings of failure.

Failure makes us re-evaluate our choices

Failure can be attributed to being unprepared, underprepared or just poor performance. Failures help us to recognize that the path to success is the same as going into battle – when we are prepared, there is nothing to fear. Failing helps us identify things that we need to improve on. We can ask our leaders and mentors around us who have experienced failure, what did they do to overcome it and move forward. Above all we can ask our Heavenly Father to help us identify our own inadequacies, because He knows us better than we know ourselves.

Failure is an essential part of progress. It helps us review our choices and – if taken positively – can increase our desire to do better, and be better.

Failure brings change

Not getting the desired results of something we have prepared for is painful. Disappointments can sometimes make us question our future, or even our self-worth. In those dark times, we must learn to stop, reflect, even cry, and painfully but wholeheartedly accept that failure can bring change. It helps us to be humble, to review our habits, and to ask for more guidance from the Lord. It reminds me of Elder Hugh B. Brown’s experience, and how his failure to get the promotion that he wanted helped him understand better the will of the Lord. When we face heartbreaking failures, let us remember that failure – despite the pain that comes with it – helps us become better.

Failure teaches us lasting lessons

The names we know from history lessons are the names of numerous people who never abandoned their passion. We should draw strength from their examples and understand that their successes came after their failures – not before. People who eventually succeed after failures have one thing in common – they’ve learned from their mistakes, they did not dwell in bitterness, and they persevered.

The Book of Mormon is a compilation of imperfect human beings who struggled against their imperfections and came out victorious because they learned and persevered. It also presents to us the disheartening consequences of thinking that failure is final. The persistence of Nephi and his brothers to get the brass plates from Laban despite two failed attempts allows us to see the hand of the Lord guiding those who continue the fight. What could have happened if Alma and Amulek stopped teaching because they were constantly rejected? Learning from other people’s failures can help us realize that indeed, for the faithful, failure is never final.

Failure is a part of our journey to become like Christ

Our journey to become like Christ can be compared to the process of creating, not a flawless, but the most efficient and effective sword. A sword goes through numerous sessions of casting, hammering, melting, furnishing and refining. Despite this long and seemingly painful process, there will still be brittle, unbalanced, rough, or dull parts. The sword won’t immediately be perfect but that does not mean that it is set aside – in the hands of a master craftsman, it will continue to go through the same processes until it reaches a completely perfect state. Like the sword, we go through a refining process too – a process which includes failure. Failing numerous times in our lives doesn’t mean we will ever be cast aside – it means we must submit ourselves to the process again until we emerge near perfect, wise, courageous and an inspiration for others who will follow in our footsteps, despite their imperfections. Excellence is a lifetime goal.  Successes are steps towards that goal, and failures are the reason we take those steps forward.

Failure is inevitable – each life will feature a series of disappointing events. When we go through disheartening moments, remember the loving promise given by the Lord in Jeremiah 29:11-13:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end,”

The Lord provides opportunities for success, even though sometimes, they’re wrapped in failure. Continue to learn from failing and never give in to the discouraging thoughts of the adversary. We can all make it with the Lord’s help, if we continue to move forward in faith.

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People with depression, diagnosed or not, experience more than just sadness or emotional distress. They are experiencing a medical condition that is out of their control, and that they did nothing to cause. The saying, “Happiness is a choice” may not ring true for them at all, as it does for others. Sometimes, even after putting their entire mind and will into it, happiness still seems impossible. Knowing this, let’s avoid saying the following phrases the next time we console someone battling depression.

It’s just a bad day. Tomorrow will be a fresh start. For people battling depression this is not true at all, because what they are experiencing does not last only one day. For them, feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, and loss of interest can last for days, or even weeks.  Some of them might not even be looking forward to tomorrow.  This phrase can make them feel that nobody really understands their condition.

If they are having a bad day, we can invite them to do something they are usually interested in—exercise, watch a movie, play some sports, take a walk, or anything that will help them get their minds off what they currently feel. But we should not expect them to cheer up right away.  Often, relief comes gradually, and on some occasions, they might not cheer up at all. But we should keep inviting them to activities anyway. This will keep them from being alone and doing things alone.

On the other hand, we must also respect their choices and understand that there are days that are more difficult than most. Try to strike a balance between friendship and personal space.

You should pray more and trust that Jesus Christ will help you. With the hardship that they are experiencing, they have probably already prayed earnestly to God to take the burden from their shoulders and to take the negative emotions away, even just for a little while. They might have already poured their hearts out many times to God, seeking comfort and strength, so saying this phrase to them might not be as helpful as it may sound. It may in fact make them feel more hopeless, wondering if they are doing something wrong, and why God has not answered their prayers and taken the trial away. We must understand that having depression does not equate to being spiritually weak or not being close enough to God. Depression certainly is not an indicator of one’s faithfulness.

Instead, we should always be there for them and become God’s instrument in helping them feel that they are not alone. We can accompany them to doctor’s appointments, counselling sessions, and other activities that might be helpful.

Others have it worse than you. Be grateful and count your blessings. The severity of peoples’ challenges and the impact these challenges have on their lives are different. Two people may be going through depression but their circumstances, personal and past experiences, support system, and access to professional advice may be different. So we cannot simply judge who is having it worse. This phrase will only trigger guilt in them and will make them feel ungrateful.

Instead, help them see the possibilities in life despite their condition—their capacity to serve, love, and become a blessing to others. This can enlarge their perspective, and help them see that their lives are not limited to the confinement of depression.

The willpower it takes to live a life in which you cannot simply choose to be happy is much greater than you might imagine. So ours is a divine calling to be kinder, more genuine, more understanding, and become more available to those battling depression one considerate word at a time.

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